I don't know why I do this to myself

It's edging up on 3am, and I'm not even thinking about going to sleep. It's not that I'm not tired, not even that I don't want to sleep - my eyes are heavy as I type this. I just, for some awful reason, can't convince myself to actually lay my head down and pass out. Some day maybe I'll figure out how to not be an asshole to myself. Until then...who knows.